Windows to a Memory

I’ve been messing around with my Burma pictures lately for a few reasons. Besides revising my slideshow powerpoints for new presentations, I also decided to decorate the living room in my new apartment to represent my travels, I hung a smorgasbord of pictures of the Burmese landscape. (I hope to soon hang my Burmese lanterns as well=) Lastly, I recently spent a large sum of money allotted for my physics lab at the new high school where I am teaching. While some claim I may not have had much funding to work with, I couldn’t help but think as I my wish list became longer and longer of those students on the other side of the world and the teacher in Thar Pan Gyi who managed to teach with what little she had. Perhaps the scene that remains most imprinted on my heart from that trip was this one- the faces of the children and the small basket of school supplies which was all resources the school had for its students. I plan to keep this picture on my desk at school, where I will be reminded to constantly give thanks for all the blessings we have.

If a picture’s worth a thousand words, how many words are still missing? I look at the pictures on my wall and somehow I realize their limit, the small message they convey. A picture can tell so much, but in merely looking at it, who can know the surrounding, the circumstance in which it was taken, the sights, the sounds, and the meaning behind its subject? I look at one of a sunrise in Thar Pan Gyi, and although it only shows the rays of sun emanating from behind a small hut, I remember the smell of breakfast, the sounds of roosters crowing and of the village awakening. For one of an Inle Lake sunset, I remember the motion of the boat, the spray from the water, the wind in our faces and our hair. Pictures may not be able to convey everything, but to those who were there, they are windows-instead of looking out, we look inside, and remember. To those who were not, they are a window to a message, glimpses of an experience, shared in an image.

Seven Months Later

In preparation for a few presentations I was asked to do on my trip to Burma, I decided read my own blog/journaling from my trip. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I once again experience and in doing so remember….

However fascinating it may or may not be for others to read the narrative of my trip to Burma, it is invaluable for myself to be able to return to my thoughts and feelings and relive the experience. One thing I regret is that the spring semester of classes began only days after our return from Burma and I feel as if I never was able to find the time to fully reflect and synthesize the meaning of all I experienced. I am so glad for all the writing I did there and in the time immediately after, that I have many of my thoughts preserved.

I remember many nights in Burma before Katie and I went to bed, we lamented the thought of returning to the rush of life- the scheduled hours and minutes, the demands on our time from all directions rather than the lifestyle we experienced in Burma- the focus on time for others rather than following the schedule centered upon oneself. That return to the rush is exactly what happened- looking back on why I was not able to spend more time in reflection was exactly the thing Katie and I dreaded.

More than that though, I am caught by my writings on letting go and living a life of surrender- one would have thought that after all I learned I would have worried less, slowed down, and taken more time to reflect. Sadly, I find I did not. I worried about life after graduation, stressed over homework, overloaded my schedule, and agonized over job searching. So often we realize our weaknesses, yet still succumb to them regardless- I let this reflection be a lesson in itself.

Amusing Thoughts

I notice that there are numerous typos in the narrative, though I read and reread it before I posted it, adding notes, editing and such- whether or not this bothers you, I apologize=) and hope that perhaps I can contribute this to terrible jet lag that followed the trip.

In reflecting on the time immediately following my trip, I remember having an amazing attention span. I guess this comes from spending 54 hours on a plane and riding buses or boats for up to 12 hours at a time. There was one evening near the beginning of the semester where I spent two hours straight lying on my bed reading an extremely boring psychology article and writing a response. My normal work ethic in this situation would have been a bit different and while I planned to complete the assignment in stages, every time I thought to take a break I realized I really didn’t need one. Getting my assignment and others like it done in one sitting was fabulous and while I hoped the motivation and incredible attention span would last- unfortunately it didn’t=)

Where Dreams Come True

I remember on the plane on the way back from Burma, David asked us if we had any big plans for the summer. As he asked the question, I suddenly remembered (I had honestly forgotten)I was going to Disney World with my sister and our dance studio. Somehow it hit me that after the purity and simplicity of Burma, I really had no desire to spend time in Disney World- the center of American idealism.

At the same time, I was interested to gauge my reaction to Disney World after Burma and all the experiences at BC and working with NCP. I had been to Disney twice before- once when I was five years old, and once exactly four years before this trip with Dawn’s School of Dance, just before I went to Bridgewater for my freshman year of college. The past four years have changed me in many ways- in my outlook on the world, the meaning of community, and my conscientiousness of my place in the world among it all. I knew that this would reveal some of those changes and while I must be honest and admit that some aspects of Disney were downright revolting to me, I was excited to look at it as a learning experience.

Here I will stop and both warn and apologize to those who really love Disney World. I know that for so many, it is the trip of a lifetime and many wonderful memories with family and friends have been made there- some of my own wonderful memories come from there as well. I am not a Disney-hater I guess- I love going to the parks, love the movies, and absolutely love classic Disney songs. My past two trips have been wonderful bonding experiences with my mom and my little sister and I am thankful I was able to go there with them. I only question the symbolism of our society that is so encased in this company, this land of entertainment- it sounds a little bit depressing, but I guess I see through the *magic* -to me, it has become transparent.

There were so many things that ran through my mind as I spent three days in the parks with twelve-year-olds=) Disney World is literally its own world within itself- even the manhole covers to the sewers have Mickey’s emblem molded on them. Each time before our Magic Music Days performance we are taken outside the back gates of the park and are told that we are not to take pictures behind the scenes. Disney is adamant that the surrounding area of the park not be made public. It is a little eerie being outside the gates- it is similar to the outside of any park or building- maintenance roads run in various directions, dumpsters sit in obvious locations, and one sees a few employees here and there going about their business. The exception to this ordinary, somewhat dirty, somewhat dull scene however, is the large fence that looms above and the sounds of laughter, music, screaming, and other festive sounds that are emitted from the other side. Somehow I was horribly reminded of the analogy this serves for our world. Are we not the society within the gates, focused on the fun around us, never thinking of the larger surroundings, not even allowed to truly see the outside? And the ones on the outside forgotten- able to hear the sounds and know vaguely what takes place inside, but never able to take part, never invited…..

Amid my skepticism though, I realize that the true vision of Disney is not one of corruption or overwielding power- the original intent of the industry and the parks was that families enjoy time together. I know there is much question of Walt Disney’s true motives and I have not done enough research to be able to offer an opinion on his character, but if this is the true vision of Disney World, one cannot argue it is not a noble goal. I realize there are many things like this in the world- things with the greatest of intents, the purest of visions that can go terribly wrong- wreaking havoc and causing pain and suffering that they do not intend or sometimes even realize.